Sunday, 4/27...

Well Katie talked to me for a while yesterday. She isn't coming home on 5/7, as a matter of fact, she not planning on coming home at all. She is very happy there with Korey & his family (think she was really looking for a way out & way to get away from this guy). She told me that she's done with her family, she done with her gramma (Scott's mother) & now she's done with her daddy. She said it's the same thing with her family & her gramma and her bunch. She tired of everyone trying to run her life & pretend to treat her good (I think she's trying to say they just love her when they are there, try to control her & get mad when she doesn't do what they think she should & think she realizes they are just trying to buy her love.). She told me that she will always want to have a relationship with me b/c I'm the one that has ALWAYS been there for her NO matter what!!! Well now isn't that a HUGE praise?!

Well there is another obstacle in the way at this time. But hey, God has shut down lots of things before so let's just pray again for Him to shut this one down too. Please help me pray over Scott's mind & that he would have right thinking & thoughts of God (maybe repentance regarding his daughter). If he could let a thought of God in his mind, God could do a work & explode in his mind!

Also, he is talking alot about selling our house (I'm not signing any papers!). Please help me bind the spirit of division & for God to show him the right way! I asked Katie about this & she said 1 - he ain't going anywhere b/c he doesn't have the money and that he's been talking about selling the place for a while. Part of our problem with our marriage is his mother's hate towards me & influence on him. Please pray for God to shut the mouth of the lion.

My focused prayer this week is for:
Scott's mind - right thinking, healing & thoughts of God
Lion's Mouth to be shut - Scott not talk to his mother as much
Spirit of Lust & Division to FLEE!

OK - gotta leave for church. We are having service at 2 PM due to our church being bought by the city b/c of the aviation/flight zone. We are renting a church while our church is being built & have to use the facilities in between their services.

Thursday, 4/24...

I was given Hebrews 11 to read on Wednesday & never got around to it. I was tired from getting Katie off in the AM after going to my first job & then going to my second job. It was a chore to get Scott gone Tuesday night also. I kept thinking - I'll read it in a little while & then the whole night was gone.

I got up this AM & was feeling discouraged that the "wandering eye" doesn't seem to go away - YET!!! See, I'm speaking in FAITH! I was almost ready to go to work & God said - don't be discouraged, you need to read that chapter that was given to you & you have enough time before work. Well, I looked at the clock & decided that since I was almost ready to go - I would sit & read it... WOW! ~ Faith is the evidence of things NOT seen! Boy, is it?!

After I read the whole chapter in about 10 minutes (it's awesome so I just flew thru it), I was pumped & ready to go again. I had on my armor & was ready to fight!!! It's been 5 months & REALLY nothing has changed for the worse. There have been things that have gone on that weren't right BUT I'm still there & I'm still married! I have to continue to believe & stand on HIS word & the promise He has given me.

Thanks for the prayers! This week my focus is for the Spirits of lust (wandering eye) AND deceit to flee my house.

Friday AM...

I spoke some strong words to him last night. I had the chance to "minister" to him over the phone around 7:00. I told him that he needs to think about what he is doing (I'm sure he thinks that I'm just talking about the divorce but I'm not!). I told him that it's sad what he's doing & he knows it's wrong! He needs to think about it before it goes any further or it continues. One of his responses was that he can't stand it b/c I think I'm holier than everyone else. I told him no - I'm just like him... forgiven. The promise is unto everyone & he can be forgiven too. He was soaking some of it up like a sponge but really was hard for him to listen to most of it. He kept saying that he is fine & I'm the only one that thinks or says he's not. I said that's b/c the rest of the world doesn't know what you are doing. He said me & God are just fine - I said no your not b/c there is NO you & God at this time (he was speachless!).

He was not eager to talk to me when he came home & really didn't want me to say anything else. He even slammed his bedroom door in my face when I was trying to talk to him at one time. I told him that he's not just affecting himself - he is affecting other lives & needs to think about his child b/c it's not right! I kept getting something from God for him & texted it to him this AM. It was - he can run but he can't hide from God. God knows the truth! Just like my pastor preached Wednesday night, they can build their mountain high but it will crumble & they will be found out. And believe me - it's coming!

I just want to say ~ if anything happens to me... you need to look at him! I'm not scared at all b/c I have Jesus by my side & am pleading the blood nonstop. This is proof that he would be a prime suspect. My pastor told me again this AM that I'm living in a very volatile situation & he hopes for my sake that I will be ok. He says he's praying & praying for my safety & I should think about getting out. You ask why would I not get out? Well - #1... it's my house too! Yes I don't want to live with/in this heavy sin but God is preparing the way for me. I have told 2-people (one being my pastor) that I went to talk to a friend yesterday named Lisa Jackson. She is praying too & will be sharing my info w/one of her prayer counselers (probably a pastor) but not my name.

I do have to tell you that the situation has escaladed & I am unable to tell anyone what is going on... not even my mom ;-( ~ partially in fear but mostly from direction from God. If he finds out that I know what is going on and he is not in a state of repentance or at a breaking point, it could be a dangerous situation for me. Please pray that God would move him to repentance & remove situations from his life. Again, I'm not scared ~ God has shown me peace & I know He is working out a situation for me to move on in life.

Thursday Update...

I had the chance to talk to Scott about God & his soul on the phone around 7:00 this evening while he was at work. He didn't want to hear it at first but then he was soaking it up like a sponge. I have prayed & prayed for the scales to be removed from his eyes & I have seen them get "scalier". Even if this isn't meant to be, I'm concerned about his soul (& Katie's too). They are both dabbling in heavy sin. I pray for deliverance for them & for them to return to God ~ even if there is nothing left of my marriage! Please continue to help me pray for my family.

God is the ultimate healer of ALL! We have to rely on him ~ even in the darkest times (boy - I've had to learn this the hard way!). He will never forsake us ~ even tho it looks like we are alone.

As hurt as I've been, I've felt him every day. Last night I was walking in the doors of church & felt so bitter. I could do nothing but stand there & cry while they sang & worshiped... which is totally not me!!! One of my church friends was next to me praying for me (she's also a preacher's wife)... she took me to the front for prayer! I humbled of coarse & received from God. I am walking with a lot of pain but I know God has used all of this to bring me closer to Him. IF I WOULD have continued on the path I was on before this, I probably would NOT have gone to Heaven. I was straddling the fence post & God has shown me this the hard way.

Wednesday PM...

Well I haven't written b/c I haven't known what to say or how to say anything. She has slept with him every night since she got back home. I took her to town yesterday evening to get her nails done & we had a good time (of coarse, he was out of the picture).

I found some very disturbing things last night & I can't go into detail about them at this time. My pastor wants me to write it all down & let's just pray. I will tell you that there is probably nothing left of my marriage ~ for sure! Also, he is worried about my protection so just be praying for me to be safe here.

Thanks for all the prayers! I will never forget you standing by me during this time ~ I know the hard part is yet to come.